Back in 2017, I wrote a post titled “Does Work Define Who You Are?” In it, I posed the question – why do we tell people what we do for work when we first meet them? Work should be a small subsection of your life. Although your life shouldn’t revolve around work, the sad reality is that our lives revolve around work.
I have been working from home since March 2019 when COVID-19 was declared a global pandemic and we all started to socially isolate ourselves in our homes. Despite being back to normal for over a year and many employees going back to work in their offices, I am still primarily working from home, only going into the office occasionally.
Working from home has many benefits – I no longer have to get up super early to head to the office for the early morning calls. I can roll out of bed 15 minutes before the call, make myself look presentable (less so if I don’t need to turn on my camera), make a cup of coffee, and start my work day.
Similarly, for late afternoon and evening calls, I no longer have to rush out of the office, and time the traffic, just so I can get home in time to join these late calls.
Another benefit is not having to commute. The few times I had to head into the office for important face-to-face meetings the past year, I didn’t enjoy the commuting part one bit. It seemed so silly that I used to spend almost an hour or more driving every workday.
But working from home has some disadvantages too. My work life and personal life often blend into one another. There is very little separation between the two. It’s easy to just be in front of the computer for a very long time without any breaks. From time to time, ironically Mrs. T would complain that she barely saw me during the day, despite me working from home.
Furthermore, I have been talking more and more about work when I’m not working. Lately, many conversations revolved around work. Even when I was asked how I felt on a personal and emotional level, I’d often start talking about how busy I have been at work and how work has shaped my emotions. Dinner table conversations often involved work to the point where both kids now know the names of many of my coworkers.
It seems that I have turned into that exact person I specifically wrote and told myself not to turn into.
What happened?
Have I been talking but not walking the walk?
Have I failed myself completely?
Whatever happened to my personal non-work related introduction I promised I’d use?
“Hi I’m Bob, I am very passionate about personal finance and investing. I am aiming to achieve financial independence in my early 40’s. I love outdoor activities like hiking, skiing, rock climbing, and kayaking. I also love watching all sports, especially hockey. I enjoy making and eating good food. I love taking landscape photos as well as creating unique portraits that capture human emotions. One of my life goals is to visit all 7 continents.”
I am more than work.
Really, I am.
Yes, I enjoy what I do at work and believe that I am good at what I do. But it doesn’t mean the fast paced high-tech environment, the escalations, the fire drills, and the pressure haven’t gotten to me.
When you’re in a pressure cooker environment regularly, sometimes it becomes hard to step away from that environment. Some people may even say that such a pressure cooker environment may become addictive.
Perhaps I have been too focused on my career and my career development that I lost track of what’s more important – my family, my life, and the people that surround me to make me who I am.
I need to step back and find balance!
Financial independence is still very important to both Mrs. T and I. However, we have come to realize that we are not in a rush to get there. At this point, we are beyond coast FIRE (i.e. we have enough saved in retirement accounts such that investment can compound and sustain our cost of living when we retire without having to add any more new cash into the accounts). If we just keep following the same earn, save, and invest strategy we have been doing since 2011, we know we will reach financial independence before the next decade.
Despite saying all this, I feel that I’m getting impatient. I’m rushing myself. Instead of focusing on what’s important in life, I am blinding myself with work, perhaps wanting to earn more money to accelerate our financially independent journey.
When I recently listened to All The Hacks podcast episodes with Bill Perkins (Die with Zero) and Morgan Housel (Psychology of Money), I was reminded of a few important key points:
- Life is about accumulating as many memories as possible. It’s not about how much money you have in your bank account on your deathbed.
- Don’t compare yourself to other people. If you do, you will never be satisfied. A minimum-wage MLB player makes half a million per year. That’s a lot of money. But when they compare their salary to other players, they aren’t making nearly as much. Then the players who make $5 million aren’t satisfied when they compare themselves to the star players who make more than $10 million a year. Chasing for the bigger paycheque becomes a never-ending game and you will never be satisfied if you do that.
- Travelling in Europe in your 20s is very different from travelling in Europe in your 40s when you have a family. While staying in a youth hostel partying up in your 20s is considered fun; the same probably isn’t fun anymore when you’re in your 40s with a young family. Similarly, your European travel experience would be dramatically different when you’re in your 60s. Each experience is unique. Enjoy these experiences; don’t compare them.
- Work is simply a means to an end. It is not an end in itself. Don’t get caught in the hamster wheel.
- Don’t focus on net worth. Focus on net fulfillment. Memory will win over money in the bank account, in every single instance.
So what can I do to step back and hop off the hamster wheel? What can I do myself to still enjoy work, and love what I do, but have the right work-life balance?
First of all, I need to remember that family comes first to work. I’m an overachiever by nature, I put pressure on myself to perform. I need to remember that there’s only so much I can do each day. It’s OK to take breaks throughout the day. I shouldn’t feel bad about taking breaks and feeling the pressure that I need to be on my computer and answer emails and Teams messages right away.
In addition, I need to learn that it’s OK to decline meetings, especially when the meeting times are either ridiculously early or late. Although I have been turning down meetings (and thanks to a supportive manager who has my back when I do that), I can do better.
I also need to stop feeling that I have the responsibility to check my work email every waking hour. I need to set better boundaries and separations.
The biggest change I need to do, I think, is to not constantly think and talk about work. Working out and going swimming in the morning are great ways to have my me time. I can do better. I need to get back to spending time on hobbies like outdoor activities and photography. I need to explore different interests, maybe pick up pottery so I can do pottery with Mrs. T.
I can do better. I need to do better.
I know I can!
I’ll finish with this quote that I heard a while ago at a retirement party.
At the end of the day, it’s not about how much money you make, it’s not about how big your house is, it’s not about what kind of car you drive, it’s about the relationships that you build and the impacts you’ve made on other people’s lives.
That’s who I want to be.
Hi Bob, I’m a long time follower but feel compelled to make my first real comment.
I was like you as a type A over achiever who wore a pager, cell phone and a blackberry and traveled extensively for my high pressure management position.
I to had this desire and need to be constantly connected and on the pulse of my projects and responsibilities. I struggled with detachment from constant interaction and would bury myself in my work for hours on end. It came to the point of scheduling family time and commitments around work. I realized family time and bonding was being jeopardized.
Back 9 years ago it all came to a head. I woke up one day and realized that if I didn’t soon make a change, I stood the chance of the balance fully tipping and me losing my true treasure which was my family. I looked at my finances and knew I had to make a change. I had no mortgage or debt and I ran the numbers and realized I could easily coast(as you call it). Over the next few months I put things in place to help me realize my new goal and I officially retired from that position and company. Being the type A, I couldn’t just stop cold though. I easily picked up work in tech and other industry on my terms as my diverse skillset and experience allowed me to apply for positions that let me work on my terms. Was I fully retired, no, but I was working on my terms. I gradually pulled back further and further from work. Note, this is not easily accomplished as you have been wired for work and that environment from a young age, or at least I was. Over the 9 years I turned one of my passions (photography) into a side hustle and revenue stream. I began to replace work time with passion and family time. This lasted until last year when I retired from working on my terms for others and stopped. It literally took almost 8 years for that to happen and me making it an actual priority due to my type A ethic. Now I do photography when I want and do family and experiences the rest of the time. The only real pulse I still am fixated on is finances and learning.
In retrospect and knowing what I know now, I should have started 9 years sooner. You only have so much time with your kids until they’re gone from the nest. Yes I spent time as they grew up, but it was like scheduling them and family vacations and events in. Now my kids ate young type A successful adults. I have from the day I had my epiphany, instilled in them the need to save and take care of themselves early so that they can pull back from work sooner. I often ponder if I had pulled the plug earlier what would that have allowed me o share and do with them more.
So to close, I will say this. If you are close to transitioning down to scaled back work, do it now. You already have yourself set up without even factoring in CPP or OAS. You have marketable skills and experience. What is stopping you from experiences and more memories with your family. Just do it! If down the road feel you quit too so you can easily correct that as you have a solid base to work from and you are not starting from zero.
Hi Lou,
Appreciate your comment. I’m really happy to hear that you came to the realization and were able to step back. Thanks for the feedback on considering scaling back now rather than waiting till later. This is something I’ll have to consider.
I retired a few months ago – and I was on that hamster wheel for decades. As a consultant, I was always on call, expected to respond right away. It’s just the way it was, and I liked working from home (I did it for over a decade, long before Covid changed it for everyone). At least I saw my kids more and could be flexible with when I snuck in workouts or could go out to see a performance at school.
I still can’t turn off the behaviour – checking email, researching, tracking numbers, learning from blogs/podcasts. My husband tells me I need to turn it off (or at least down), but I am wired to be this way. I’ve always been an over achiever (or Type A personality). The funny thing is that’s what got us to FIRE. If I wasn’t so focused we wouldn’t be in a solid financial position to say goodbye to the daily grind.
We all have different interests…mine still happen to be business news and tracking investments. I don’t think I’ll ever be a water colour artist. LOL!
I get you Sandra on being an over achiever. 🙂
Hi Bob,
Yes, I am in the same predicament: remote work with the occasional trip to the office.
A non-fiction book that I’d recommend is The Value of Nothing, by Raj Patel. It looks at how special interests have molded us to prioritize the consumption of material goods, how the current economic systems in play prioritize bringing down the cost of material goods, e.g., electronics, as opposed to actual resources (education) that people need to live a fruitful life, and how we have been boxed into thinking that a free market society is the only option and has no flaws.
Thanks, will add that to my ever growing to read list.
Thanks for sharing. Will read!
Hi Bob,
Looks like you had a relapse of FI obsession! I remember a blog post you did about 2 years ago mentioning that you had to lift the foot from the pedal.
Maybe you can configure a router rule to block your employer’s VPN outside a range of hours?
It’s not really a relapse of FI obsession, more stepping back and trying to see the bigger picture in life.
Not sure how blocking employer’s VPN would work… a lot of calls/chats/texts are done via Whatsup too. 🙂
Hi Bob,
Thanks for this post. I also work in the tech industry and struggle to maintain a proper work-life balance. Recently, I’ve been consumed by the need to maintain high work performance and improve my skills. Achieving work-life balance has been very difficult, especially when I’ve been told all my life that a good career and wealth will bring happiness and secure a legacy. The reality, as you allude to, is that comparisons lead to an unfulfilling life, and money is not a true source of joy. If we try to match our income or consumption levels with our peers, we are likely to lose. What truly matters are our friendships and memories.
To reprogram my mindset, I’ve started reading books about our current economic systems, the commodification of labor, and other related topics to understand why people feel have been programmed to prioritize money over everything else, even when they have enough money to live a comfortable life. I’m also trying to spend more time outside and explore new hobbies beyond tech.
Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to hearing more from you.
Best regards.
Hi RM,
Yes, maintain a proper work-life balance in high tech is very tough. It’s even tougher when you’re working remotely I believe. Are you specific books that you’d recommend?
Nice post. Before FIREing, I was exactly where you find yourself. For years, and in spite of my knowing better and consciously trying not to be in that place. It’s very hard to change. At least it was for me. I wish you luck in making the necessary changes!
Hi FI for the People,
Thank you for the comment and stating that you were in similar situation as me before FIREing. It’s definitely a challenge and I need to find ways to change. 🙂